I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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