you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
