I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
