id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
