6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
