even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
