I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
