yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
