My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
