My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
