i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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