You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
