We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
