Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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