theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
