Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
