New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
