My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
