beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
