there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
