Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
