My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
