And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
