weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
