woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
