you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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