He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
