He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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