Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
