New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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