dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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