We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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