i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
