This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
