I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I want a musical about memes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
