woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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