Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
