Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
