haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
