Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
