I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
