Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
