If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
