let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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