He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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