I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
