You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
