He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Acid is not a monday night drug
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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