am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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