At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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