you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
