Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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