Plan B is the new Plan A
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
