I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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