your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
