i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
